So, the last two blog posts have been kinda an easy-way out. Its simple to just copy/paste lyrics to a song and call it a post. That's not to say it lacks meaning, particularly when the lyrics aren't just picked at random. I've spent most of the last week sitting in my bedroom listening to music, just me and a CD player. While I work on various things, most notably update.mozilla.org's upcoming update-beta. and this site, psychoticwolf.net. This room, while it's been mine for roughly two years, (as of October 1st, 2004 it will be anyway) lacks alot of my personality. The walls are eggshell white. The only thing that hangs up in here is a calendar (Wolves, go figure). That's not to say I lack personality and am not capable of having the room express it. I've simply not spent much time in here and haven't been particularly motivated to decorate. The room is all function. Bed and an entertainment stand. (where the beforementioned CD Player, Stereo, VCR, TV, etc. sit. and the laptop when it's not in use.) Everything else is in the closet. (you don't wanna go in there. trust me.) When you spend enough time in a room, you start to bond with it. I'm starting to think enough time has passed with the unmotivated me controlling things. Sooner or later, in order to live life, you *must* be motivated to do so.
As for the song lyrics, the first one, "I Don't Believe in Love" just seemed to fit my mood at the time, it comes from Operation: Mindcrime by Queensryche. I doubt anybody reading this has ever heard of them before, but, that's ok. I don't mind. Consider yourself informed of their existance. :-) Check 'em out.
The second one, "Believe It or Not", comes from Nickelback's The Long Road. I got that CD as a Christmas gift, and listened to it like once. I didn't remember being particularly impressed. After my Father's memorial service back in July (the 30th), the family kinda vanished, w/o the typical decent on the home behavior, (you know, somebody's dead, let's eat alot of food you don't need). This left me with an afternoon to myself. Feeling a little, strung out, and caged. I tried playing music and just relaxing, but it didn't work. So, I grabbed the CD I was playing (which happened to be The Long Road) and my portable CD Player. (behold the power of the discman. ;-) ) and went outside just to get out. I ended up walking down towards the river, along the banks at the edge of the woods. That song caught my attention when it played (its like track 4 so say 12 minutes or so into the journey), its easier to pick out stuff when you're listening on headphones than just playing something on home or even car audio, despite what you might think, given today's technologies. I can't pick out a part of the song I like most, or what caught my attention, whether its the music or the words, they both feel just perfect. Particularly the acoustic guitar verse, there's something very real and personal about nothing but a guitar and a voice.
" Most of us have nothing to complain about
Most of us have things we could live without
Everyone need advice on how to get along
You don't, we won't
Until we figure out"
As I write this post, I've been trying to pick out a verse or something to give meaning, to express what it is that I like about it. I've picked several different parts and deleted them again, because they weren't long enough, so, all of it. heh. Just read the previous post. It has all of it in it.
It's been two months now, since my father passed away. I haven't quite figured out how to deal with stuff yet. But, nonetheless, i'm still here, working through it all, every minute of every hour of every day.
"I've seen it a lot every time the world turns upside down
Believe it or not most of us feel like we're losing ground
Believe it or not everyone hate admitting fear
Believe it or not most of us wanna know why we're here"
That's me.
